A Letter to Harper || becoming a big sister

we are EIGHT weeks in with our little love bug, Tanner!

whoa!!

as if I thought time flew when Harper was a baby, it is flying even faster with baby number two- Tanner! but it is so great, and I truly LOVE being a family of four!

I can only imagine what it will be like when we get to baby number four ;)

I was looking back and found this 'letter' (if that's what you want to call it) to/for Harper that I had written towards the end of my pregnancy with Tanner. man was I feeling emotional and mixed about bringing our new baby to the world! as I read through, I felt some of those feelings again, and yet I also realize how many of my fears/concerns weren't anything I needed to worry about. and what a peace that brings to me now!! Harper is AMAZING at her role as a BIG sister (at the little age of just two!). not once has she had resentment, jealousy, or sadness about baby Tanner coming into our lives and her no longer being my only baby.

I love both of these two with my whole heart. there isn't anything like it.

so here it is. a little bit of my heart on my sleeve.

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she has no idea how many changes are to come in just a couple short weeks. her world is going to change. so much good, yet some hard things too. it's no longer going to be just her and I in our days. she's going to have to share me and I'm going to have to learn how to divide myself between my two babies. she's my world and fear of the unknown creeps in to think that I will no longer be able to give her all of me. she doesn't even know how her world is about to be rocked.

I think of seeing her and saying goodbye the last time as a family of three. as we leave her when we're about to welcome her new sibling into the world, I will say 'I love you and goodbye' one last time while it's still just her. the next time I see her our life won't be just her anymore.

as I sit here writing this with tears rolling down my face, emotions are flooding. emotions I haven't felt until now. at 38 weeks pregnant. maybe it's because it's becoming 'real' to me. and it's no longer just talking about what's to come, but realizing we're fully in it and it is so, so close to being our new reality.

I find myself feeling these emotions of sadness and guilt for what I'm taking away from Harper. soon she will no longer be our one and only.

I find myself feeling emotions of joy and excitement for such a great gift of a little brother that we will be giving her.

I've heard so many moms say before that they wonder if they will be able to love a second child the way they've loved their first. will they have enough love in them?

my wonder and concern falls a little different. I KNOW I will be able to love this new little love of ours just as much as I felt that instant love for Harper. but will I still be able to give Harper the love and attention that she needs while at the same time caring for our new baby boy. am I going to be taking away from her and sacrificing her needs?

I know we will get there and we will be just fine.

I know deep in my heart that there will certainly be challenges for both Brandon and I and for Harper as we adjust to our new life as four. but I also know it is going to bring us all so much joy. for her to learn what it is to have a sibling and love on him the way I know she will... that there, will be priceless.

I love you my sweet girl. you will always be the one who made me a mama. you will always be the one who got the piece of my heart first. that love will never, ever change. I am excited and nervous to watch you step into this new big role as a sister. I just wish I could explain to you what is coming our way.

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Tanner has been nothing but pure joy to our family. joy that stomps every bit of concern I felt when writing that 'letter'. the Lord's plan is ever so perfect and I feel somewhat silly for the fear and doubt I ever had. not only have Brandon and I been given the gift of a new baby, but Harper has been given the gift of a sibling. and there is absolutely nothing like witnessing sibling love!

xoxo

-Brittney

follow along on instagram @brittneyhjelseth